Rapunzel, Rapunzel...

...take out an impressive insurance policy on your hair.

Here I was, putting the final touches on the post for today, when I took a pause and read some NFL news article. It was then that I learned that NFL power player Troy Polamalu has apparently insured his hair for one million dollars.

I couldn't help it. I had to stop. I can't top the ridiculousness of that story today.

Troy Polamalu, my hat is off to you. You've stomped my ability to make a good post as effectively as you stomp opposing quarterbacks.

Clocking out until Wednesday...

7 Life Lessons Best Learned from Bruce Campbell

It is a widely undocumented complete and total fact (opinion) that Bruce Campbell is the world's premiere B-movie actor/director. For nearly 30 years, this man's complete lack of shame and misplaced dignity have made us laugh, cry, and - well... made us laugh mostly.

But what few people realize that that what Bruce lacks in acting ability, he makes up for in profound thought. Indeed, it's entirely possible that Bruce Campbell could be one of the world's leading philosphers if those A-listers (Nietzsche, Socrates, etc...) weren't so busy hogging the limelight.

To prove my potentially preposterous point, here are a number of life lessons only Bruce Campbell could provide. Oh, and it should be noted that all these lessons are based on quotes Bruce made off-screen at events, in interviews, etc... this is about what Bruce can teach us, not what his characters teach.

Lesson 1: The Secret of Being Awesome
"Well now it's because of longevity. I refuse to go away. I think that's probably it. I'm the guy at the party who, you look around and you go, 'God, that guy's still here?'"

Bruce knows that he who puts himself forward most often has the most opportunity to prove his own greatness.

Put yourself out there as much as you can. Don't miss the chance to show your worth.

Lesson 2: Nobody's Perfect

“I can't think of any organization where there isn't room for improvement.”

An oldie, but a goodie. I don't think this bears any further comment.

Lesson 3: We Need to Step Back and Re-Evaluate Our Values

"My character in Army of Darkness, the last of the three, is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people and yet he's your hero."

Ash is slick, cocky, witty, tough, and just an all-around "man's man." We like him. He's loveable in his arrogance and he 'saves' the day...

But that's just the surface. Step back from the adventure for a moment. Ash triggered the arrival of the Deadites to begin with, just by exhibiting a bit of verbal incompetence. This leads to the movie's 'big battle' sequences, which hides the horrors of war (the deaths of women and children, for example) with entertaining commentary, explosions, and wacky puppetry.

Was Ash truly a hero? Bruce doesn't think so, and he's the one playing the so-called 'hero'...

On a literal level, we're looking at a fictional character in a movie. But dare to step back a moment. Is the movie all we're talking about? Maybe there's something much bigger we should be considering here...

Lesson 4: Morality Be Damned... Good and Bad are Just Words

"Good... Bad... I'm the guy with gun."

Okay, I lied. One of the quotes is from a movie. Irrelevant, though, since Bruce still makes a good point.

We walk our high roads. We condemn other people based on race, creed, religion, sexual preference, etc... but morality is just a shield. Good and Bad are just words. What matters, what really matters, is what we do when given the tools or the power to act.

Don't forget that.

Lesson 5: In the End, All That Matters is How We See Ourselves

"All men think they're fascinating. In my case, it's justified."

Egomaniac, or brilliant thinker?

Probably both.

We run through our lives looking at others and wishing we could be like them. Know more about them. Swooning over the works of William Shakespeare... marvelling at the labors of Leonardo Da Vinci... comdemning the evils of Adolf Hitler.

But what about ourselves? Aren't we just as fascinating?

Why not?

After all, regardless of how much we honor someone else, it's going to come down to one eventually. Just one. And I don't know about you, but when that moment comes and my life is slipping away, I want to be able to look up at whoever is with me and say, "Yeah... that'll do."

Lesson 6: Eat healthy

"I try to eat whole grains when I can."

The values of whole grain foods really can't be understanded. A diet rich in whole grains can reduce the risk of heart disease, lower blood pressure, help prevents cardiovascular disease, and control weight.

Stop reading. Right now. Go eat some oatmeal or something. Lesson 7 will be here when you come back.

Lesson 7: Always Be Prepared

"When life give you lemons, throw them at the zombies."

The Boy Scouts may like preparedness, but Bruce Campbell brings the point home.

The Zombie Apocalyspe is coming... and when it does, we need to be ready.

I'm not saying you should consider lemons as a viable zombie defense. Nor am I saying that we should ignore life's issues just to be ready for the zombies.

Just... maybe you should consider burying grandpa face down when the time comes. Trust me, that kindly old bastard doesn't really want to eat you any more than you want to be eaten.

Think about it.

One Small Step for Man...

...one ridiculously giant freaking leap for me.

Have you ever taken a step back, analyzed your life, and realized that you're actually happy with the way things are going?

I had that moment the other day... right before I came to the conclusion that I'm not happy that I'm happy with the way things are going.

I have a good job right now. It pays well, despite the long hours. It has a future - my immediate supervisor and his immediate supervisor both have their sights on me as someone to move forward sometime in the next 5-6 months.

But you know what?

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't even matter what I do, since it's not where I want to be. Or maybe it is... maybe promotion will put me on a path I want to be on. But without promotion, I just don't know...

So here's where I stand: I'm going to guide myself toward where I want to be... and the first step in any journey is deciding to make the journey.

So here we go. Here's my commitment.

March 21st, 2011.

By March 21st, 2011 I will be on the road to my passion, or destiny, or happiness, or whatever the hell you want to call it.

Step One: Commit to Making a Change

This should be fun...

Where I've Been and What I've Been Doing

People hate cliches. They do. No one wants to hear the same old expression over and over and over again. It's unpleasant. It's unoriginal. But you know what else it is?

True.

Cliches become cliches for a reason. They're time and experience tested phrase that stand up no matter what's going around in the world.

So forgive me for leading with a cliche...

There just isn't enough time in the day.

The last nine months have been a testament to that statement. Since my last post I've closed down a store, moved, found a new job, bought a new phone, replaced a computer that kicked the bucket on me, bought a Wii, dealt with an ailing Xbox, picked up a few comission painting gigs, picked up a few freelance writing gigs, burned my arm fairly badly on an exhaust pipe working on a car, found a new baby boy, learned how to work on cars, and, most importantly, decided to make enough change in my life to find another new job and return some dedication to this blog.

Suffice to say, I'm pretty tired.

Not to say it wasn't all bad.

I've had my fair share of good times in all that. For one, we now have a third cat. Crazy? Probably... but we couldn't just leave him.

That all started back in June. Bree was noticing that something was cruising around the outdoor garden section at her workplace. Her employees heard scuttling sounds, things were slightly askew... it was all bad 1950s horror movie style. When they set out an animal trap with a bit of food, they came back to find a kitten mewing woefully inside. He was tiny... Bree guessed no more than 5 weeks (the vet later said that 2-3 weeks of age was more likely). He was scared. He was flea-ridden. He had a wicked case of worms. But most of all, he was alone.

I swung by her store, took him home, and gave him the best flea-bath I could (he was too small to safely use flea-medicine, so it was mostly a warm bath with Johnson's Baby Shampoo and several hours of picking fleas off of him). Later, Bree gave him a second bath (he was just that flea-ridden). We gave him some watered down kibble, and tried to figure out what to do with him.

Long story short, a complex cat swap involving us, Bree's mother, and Bree's grandmother was supposed to take place, but after several days, it all fell through. By then, Bree had become so attached to the little boy that she couldn't bear giving him to a shelter, and thus, to someone we didn't know personally. So we gave him a name, and now have a third cat.

He's doing well, and is a very happy and healthy addition to our feline family. And yes, Dante is a very cute little boy, though - as you can see.



He's also taken a shine to sleeping on my gaming table...



Well, that's all for today... but before I forget... it's Monday. Expect a new post here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from here on out. I'm treating Conventional Cognizance like (one of) my new jobs, so if you don't hear from me on that update schedule... raise hell with me.

That's all for now, folks.