Top Ten Things Bothering Me This Week

#10: Florida Drivers

This is a constant source of complaint for anyone transplanted to Florida from, well, anywhere else in the civilized world.

Last night, I was driving home from Borders in some significant donwpour. Accordingly, I dropped to a safer speed of about 40 mph on Bee Ridge Road (offical speed limit: 45 mph - unoffical speed limit 55 mph).

A few miles from home, I see another car whip out of a gas station, turn left, slide across 3 street lanes to wind up in my own, almost smashing into the front of my car. I respond my slamming on the brakes, of course... the other driver responds by flipping me the bird and honking.

Florida.

#9: Rude People Unaware of Their Rudeness

Don't get me wrong, I'm an asshole. I'm a huge asshole. But in a good way. I'm the asshole who KNOWS he's an asshole. It works for me. But when someone is excessively rude, then calls other people rude?

Hello, pot? It's kettle...

#8: Seniority

Really? Just because you've been here longer, you get to stay? What ever happened to competition? Shouldn't the best man win? Works for nature. You ever see the old sick lion on the Discovery Channel keeping his place at the head of the pride just because he's been there a long time? Neither have I. I have seen him booted out by the younger, stronger males.

Let's start doing that.

#7: Batman: Arkham Asylum

The game is just damned brilliant. The graphics, the story, the gameplay... it's all about two steps away from perfect. I've spent the last three dark nights playing as the Dark Knight. I need to finish this game so I can reclaim my life!

#6: Professional Critics

Paid to complain about things. BEST. JOB. EVER.

Okay... maybe they don't bother me. Maybe I'm just jealous. I admit it.

#5: Brett Favre Critics
Not professional critics. I'm bothered by them for other reasons (see above). Individuals like you and me. Don't like Brett Favre? Fine. Then don't watch his games. Problems solved. But to run around and call the man a traitor and a joke? What is that doing for anyone?

A traitor? How? Professional football is a BUSINESS. Like clothing stores, electronics boutiques, and seal-poaching. You're out to make money. Favre still has marketability. He's still got a decent arm. And, most importantly, he's still got teams willing to cut him 8 digit checks. I salute the man for taking advantage of it, and you should, too.

A joke? Really? If being a joke means someone will pay me $12 million to play football for 4 months, I'll GLADLY be a joke. While you laugh at me, I'll laugh all the way to the bank.


#4: Procrastination

It's so hard to overcome... I just... I feel... eh, I'll finish this one later.

#3: Hard Sells

Some sales people just can't leave well enough alone. I reserve a copy of Arkham Asylum at Gamestop a month ago. I go in on Tuesday to pick up the game, and the clerk tries to upsell me to the "Collector's Edition."

"What's the difference?" I ask.

"Forty bucks and a piece of crap Batarang that isn't actually associated with the game in any significant way," he replies (some words have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent).

"No thanks," I say.

"No, dude - check it out." He shoves the Batarang in my face.

"No, thanks," I say.

"You sure?"

"Yeah... just the regular one." At this point, another employee walks up.

"Hey, man - you should really check out the Batarang," the other employee starts, "it's a really good deal."

"Okay, I'm going to Play-and-Trade." I walk out.

Is it really worth losing a guaranteed $60 sale to try for a $90 sale? I don't think so... but apparently, Gamestop does.

#2: George Lopez

I've been seeing nonstop commercials for his new show. Seriously. It seems that every other commercial is for this show. I don't get it. Why would anyone fund that show?

Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike George Lopez... I just can't help but sit through his routines and think... "so which part is the funny part?"

#1: Herb and Cream Cheese Pretzels

Sound delicious, right? Sounds bready and doughy and zesty with a cool, sweet, creamy center, right?

It's not.

It tastes like... well... nothing. Literally zero flavor.

Worst three bucks I ever spent.